


Final Fantasy: Aki's Spirit

by VZG



Category: Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-11-11
Updated: 2001-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-16 04:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VZG/pseuds/VZG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aki's thoughts the next day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Final Fantasy: Aki's Spirit

**Author's Note:**

> This is the oldest fic I still have record of. It's nice to look back and know you were semi-competent at age thirteen.

As I watched that eagle fly away, I knew life had a chance at a new beginning. I wished it was the same on a smaller scale.

I've begun to wonder why it was Grey instead of myself who died. I was a terminal patient. Grey was a healthy human being. And somehow, some way it ended up that his life is gone and mine still lingers. I'm not sure I want to linger much longer.

And that little girl. Seven years old. Dead. Ready to die, she said. How can you be ready at such a young age? I'm not sure if I'm ready to die. I don't think I am. I want too, now, now that my job's done, now that I've explained everything, now that my love is gone.

Doctor Sid. I'm fairly sure he was ready to die. I guess he got his wish -- he died before I have. Now that he's dead, why can't I just die?

In movies, you always have the loving couple and the wise or humorous background guy surviving. What a funny thought. Comparing the near death of the world to a movie. Movies went out when the phantoms came in. I've seen one or two in my life; when I was young, when I was scared, my mother once got out a movie for me to see. Old technology.

I was supposed to die. Maybe Doctor Sid was, too. But not Grey. No, Grey was supposed to go on, get a new life in this new world, and maybe not even be Grey anymore. Maybe he'd be a new person, get a wife and kids.

That reminds me. Neil said he didn't want to go thought the check, because he was worried it would make him sterile. He wanted to have kids. I guess he won't be having any now.

I guess Sid would say something like, "Better to have loved and lost rather than never have loved at all." But he's not here anymore. Only me. Only me, and the rest of the world. But Grey had become my world. Grey and the spirits. The spirits are of no matter anymore. Grey is all I think about, all I dream about. It seems so strange to dream of anything other than the phantoms. But I've been asleep three times since I found the eighth spirit. Each time, Grey is there, comforting me, saying he's all right, saying to move on, saying Jane and Neil and Sid and everyone say hi. He embraces me, and is gone. Then I wake up. The same each time I've slept. I haven't slept in six hours now, though I'm very tired. I can't stand it when he leaves me, even if it is only a dream. So I've stayed awake. I've told my story about one hundred times. What a childish thing to do, to exaggerate it like that. It's more like fourteen times. But I feel childish now. I feel alone. I want Grey by my side, keeping me warm, telling me everything's okay now. I feel nothing but loneliness, now that all my fear is gone. All sensible fear, anyway. Any other fears seem so stupid now that I've faced the end of the world and come back alive. The only one who came back alive.

They've asked me questions over and over again. I don't even know any of their names, and they know my whole life story. I guess they just want to make sure the facts are facts. Or whatever. I've given them the same answers each time, but they don't stop asking. It's like I'm playing the same fifteen minutes of my life over and over again. It's been less than twenty-four hours since Grey left me. And I've relived much more than twenty-four hours so many times. It's like someone's trying to make me suicidal, missing Grey. But I've been suicidal. I know I don't have the guts to kill myself though.

I wonder what's going to happen now. I guess they'll say I'm a hero. If they give me any medals or anything, I'll melt them. I'm no hero. Grey, he and Sid were heroes. Without them, I would never have been able to get to the crater. Heck, without Sid, I would have been long since dead. Maybe Gaia would be dead too. Or maybe Grey and Sid could have done it all by themselves. I wouldn't be surprised.

The world has never been so bright to my eyes before, but to my heart it is blacker and duller than ever. Even when Grey wasn't with me before, I knew he could be, and that there as a chance that at a later moment in time he would be.

We shared only but one kiss. I loved- no, love him so much. My love for him hasn't ended just because he's dead. But one kiss? It simply was not enough for me to express what he meant-- means to me. I want him to be near me again.

It still hadn't registered in my mind that he was gone when I saw him leave his body. It wasn't until they pried his body from my arms that I realized he would never be there again. I wonder what would happen if the world needed saving again. Or if maybe something had gone wrong, right after he left. Would I still have the strength to even just try to stop it? I don't know. I hope I never will know. Despite that it brings in the loneliness, I particularly like living without fear. Without worry. Without fear that there won't be a tomorrow.

I'm still scared, though. I'm scared of what will happen, now that Grey's gone. But that's a different kind of fear, a different kind of worry. It's not life or death, it love or death. In my case, it might seem like life or death, but I know I'm not going to die. I still wish I would, though. I wish I could be with Grey, in life or in death.

I don't know what they want, but they're back. They don't have any papers to take notes on. I think they want to take me somewhere. That one man keeps looking at me. I can't tell if he thinks I'm scum or if he's scum. Maybe it's both. I don't know and I don't care right now. The world is new to me, and I have to find out right now if it's a world I can adjust to.


End file.
